英作文添削見本です。 
番号は1.文法の間違い 2.用語の間違い 3.スペル間違い 4.他の表現、正しい表現、その他コメント 
5.得点 10点満点 8点以上合格点 以上を基準としての添削です。
音声付添削はがあるところを参照下さい。

課題: J  私はコーヒーは飲みません。また、紅茶も飲みません。 

回答I drink neither a cup of coffee nor a cup of tea.

添削1. I drink / I don't drink
2. a cup of coffee / coffee; a cup of tea / tea
3. No errors
4. I don't drink coffee. I don't drink tea, either.

5. 8
課題: A  日本人は英語が出来ないというのが世界の定説だ。なんとかしなきゃ
回答:The opinion that Japanese cannot use English is accepted in the world.  We should contrive to improve their opinion.
添削:1. No errors
2. contrive / strive
3. No errors
4. I want to disprove the theory that Japanese people can't learn English.
5. 9 points

課題: B その商品は冷凍状態にて送って欲しいのですが。 
回答:Could you send me the product in a frozen condition? 
添削1. No errors
2. in a frozen condition / frozen
3. No errors
4. We would like the product sent frozen.
5. 9 points
 

課題:B 長期金利の上昇による住宅市場の減速を背景に今後の成長率は鈍化する見込みである
回答:Because of slowdown in housing market by increase in long-term interest rates, future glowing rate will slow down.
添削:1) Because of slowdown/ Because of the slowdown; by increase in long-term interest rates/ due to the increase in long-term interest rates, 
2) glowing rate/growth rate
3) No error
4) Economic growth is predicted to slow down as increasing interest rates slow the housing market.
5) 7 

課題: X  アルコール飲料を飲みすぎる人は生命を滅ぼしている。アルコールの飲みすぎが長年続くと、寿命が10年縮まります。調査によれば、多くのアメリカ人が飲酒問題を抱えています。
回答:Those who drink alcoholic beverage too much are destroying their lives.  If you continue to drink too much for years,
you will shorten your life-span for ten years.  Research shows that a lot of Americans have drinking problem.
添削:1. drink alcoholic beverage too much / drink alcoholic beverages too much, drink too many alcoholic beverages  
a lot of Americans have drinking problem / a lot of Americans have a drinking problem, have drinking problems
2. shorten your lifespan for ten years / shorten your lifespan by ten years
3. No errors
4.
People who drink too much are destroying their lives. When alcohol abuse is continued for many years, it can reduce one's life span by ten years.
Studies show that many Americans have a drinking problem.

5. 8 points
課題: X 邪馬台国が日本の中心部にあったか北九州にあったかについて200年にわたる論争がある。中心説を取れば邪馬台国は大和朝廷の前身となる
回答:There is a debate that has discussed for 200 years on Yamataikoku, an old country in Japan, was whether in the center of Japan or in Kitakyushu.
According to the center theory, Yamataikoku was the precursor of the Yamato Imperial Court.
添削1. has discussed / has been discussed
an old country / an old city, an old town
Japan, was whether in the center.  The debate was about whether Tamataikoku was in the center
2. No errors
3. No errors
4.
There is a 200-year-old contention about whether the Yamatai kingdom was located in the central part of Japan or in norther Kyushu.
A central location would mean that the Yamatai kingdom was a predecessor of the Yamato dynasty.

5. 6 points
 
課題: Z ある国で大量虐殺や民族浄化があった場合、国際社会がその国民を守る責任を負うべきか否かについて、国連総会で正式な議論が始まりました。報告書では、それぞれの国は大量虐殺や民族浄化から国民を守る責任があることを確認し、国際社会は、各国がこの責任を果たすよう支援をするよう呼びかけています
回答:The UNGA set up a conference on whether the international community 
should defend citizens in other counties or not when a genocide or an
ethnic cleansing occrred there. The report says that each country
should defend its citizens against a genocide or an ethnic cleansing
and that the international community urges each county to help each
other to fulfill its responsibilities for peace.
添削
1. No errors
2. No errors
3. occrred / occurred
4. The UNGA set up a conference to determine whether or not the international community should step in to defend citizens in other countries in cases of genocide or ethnic cleansing. The report says that each country should defend its citizens, and that the international community urges countries to work together to fulfill their responsibilities for peace.
5. 9 points

課題: F 今こうして浪人生活をしていると、人間は一人で生きていくことができないということがよくわかります。勉強は当然として、人とのコミュニケーションも必要だと思いました。また、運動も大事だと思いました。毎日、いすに座っていると、体力が低下し、勉強に支障がでます。なので、私は週に一度、走っています
回答:When I lead a vagrant life now, then I well understand that human being can't live alone.
It is natural to study, but I think that it is necessary to communicate with someone. 
Also, I think that it is important to exercise. If you san on the chair everyday, you would fall in strengths
and prevent your studying. Therefore, I run once a week.

添削:1. No errors
2.  now, then I / now, I ["then" changes this story to the past, but you want to stay in present]
human being can't / human beings can't
If you san on the chair everyday / If you sit in a chair all day
you would fall in strengths / you will become week
prevent your studying / and unable to study
3. No errors
4. While I lead a rather aimless life now, I have come to understand that humans cannot live alone. 
It's natural to study, but it's important to communicate with others, too. 
It is also important to exercise.  If you spend all day sitting in a chair, you will become weak,
and this, too, will affect your studies.  Therefore, I run once a week.
5. 7 points
 

課題: D 彼はひどい経済状態で、誰も頼る人がいない(早稲田)
回答:He is awful economic conditions, and he don't have person who relies on
添削1. He is awful economic conditions / He is in an awful economic situation
he doesn't have person / he doesn't have a person, he doesn't have anyone
2. who relies on / to rely on
3. No errors
4. He is in a very poor financial situation and he has no one to turn to.
5. 7 points

課題: Yあなたはご主人と一緒にドイツへいらっしゃるのですか。
回答:Will you go to Germany with your husband together?
添削:1. No errors
2. with your husband together / with your husband (already includes the meaning of "together")
3. No errors
4. Will you go and your husband go to Germany together?
5. 9 points
 
課題: E 価値のあるものだけ持って、それらのガラクタは残してください
回答:Please have anything worthwile, and leave those junks.
添削:1. No errors
2. those junks / that junk (uncountable)
have / take sounds more natural
3. worthwile / worthwhile
4. You can bring anything of value and leave such odds and ends.
5. 7 points
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